Help! My Spouse Has Been Watching Porn!

"He lied to me for years...how can I trust him again?" "Was I not enough for them?" "How could he do this to our family?" "I feel like he cheated on me...I feel so violated." This topic has becoming increasingly common in my practice as a counselor. Pornography usage is so prevalent that I unfairly …

Getting Out of a Rut

It was the longest car ride ever. We went an hour and a half without speaking to one another on what was supposed to be a fun, once-in-a-while, day date between just the two of us. It was awkward and the tension was stifling, even though no one was saying a word. What was going …

Indiscretions, Betrayals, and Secrets: What Affairs Have Taught Me About Marriage (Pt. I)

There are few things as heartbreaking and terrifying as a couple realizing that everything they built for years has been destroyed due to the misguided passions of one partner. Once upon a time, they stood before a group of friends and family - faces filled with smiles and hearts overflowing with commitment - and the …

The Two Hardest Words: “I’m Sorry”

English is a funny, complicated language filled with difficult words: Worcestershire Quinoa Onomatopoeia Anemone Otorhinolaryngologist I'm still not sure how to define or pronounce a few of those. But none compare to the two most difficult words to pronounce in the English language: "I'm Sorry." There are also few words that hold as much power. …

Don’t Be Wise In Your Own Eyes – Accepting Influence

I don't like to admit I'm wrong. There, I said it. When there is an important decision to make in our marriage (important can mean where we invest our money or what we're eating that night) my anxious mind has usually already considered all the possibilities and arrived at what I consider to be the …

Quick To Hear, Slow to Speak – The Art of Listening

Let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger.James 1:19 The amount of relational wisdom in scripture is stunning. I'll never forget a friend pointing this out to me after a Bible class. We had been studying the book of James, and he observed that even if one wasn't a believer …

“And Then COVID Hit” – 5 Ways to Preserve Love in a Pandemic

There are certain phrases that spread so quickly they become a part of the DNA of our culture. Uttering one of these instantly brings up thoughts, images, and feelings of a certain time in your life. Here are a few, for example: "Cowabunga Dude!" "WWJD" "You've got a friend in me." "Smiling's my favorite!" Can …

Healing the Hurt Through Repair Attempts

We are accustomed to repairing things in our lives. My car currently has 181,000 miles on it and has needed a few repairs over the years. Home owners know that an emergency fund is necessary because eventually something WILL go wrong. Peeling paint, missing shingles, or a husband who breaks a pipe under the house …

Empathy: Your Secret Superpower

Spouses often feel powerless to help their partner through a difficult time. It's very likely that one person in the relationship has more of a "fixer" personality, and when presented with some issues the other spouse is experiencing, there is a desire to fix their problems or to give them a quick roadmap from preventing …

Math and Communication: How the 5:1 Ratio Determines Relationship Health

Math was never my favorite subject growing up. I stopped taking math classes as soon as I had enough to graduate and I didn't feel bad about it. Ditto for college. I knew that I was headed to a career that didn't involve a whole lot of math, so what was the point? I don't …