Let’s Talk About Porn: Killer of Love, Thief of Desire (Part 1: The Danger of Porn)

This subject has been on my mind since before I got the blog up and running, but it has taken me this long (1.5 years) to muster up the courage to discuss it. And it’s about time we did.

In case the title wasn’t clear enough, let me lay all of my cards on the table here at the beginning. I believe pornography has no place in your marriage or personal life. I believe that any potential “positives” (note the quotation marks there) are far outweighed by the negatives that inevitably accompany pornography. I used to believe pornography (and its friends) was bad because that’s what I was taught growing up with a Christian faith. I now *also* believe pornography is bad because I have seen the negative impact it has had on many marriages. As with so many issues, the Bible doesn’t warn us of things because God wants to ruin our fun, but because he knows things will eventually lead us down a path we don’t need to be on.

My intent is not to judge, shame, or look down on anyone who feels differently about pornography. I believe you have the right to do what you want in your own home and marriage. Instead, what I hope to do is begin a conversation that you can continue together about the beliefs and values you hold on this subject. I’d be lying if I also didn’t say this: My hope is to provide some evidence that will persuade you to think differently about pornography.

Let’s explore this together.

The Prevalence of Pornography

Pornography has evolved from lewd drawings on cave walls or pottery to be what it is now. To keep it simple, I’ll define pornography this way: sexually explicit images or videos designed to encourage erotic feelings or desires. I’m sure we could find grey areas on the borders of that definition, but it will do for now.

The prevalence of pornography and its profitability as an industry are staggering. The following facts and statistics come from fightthenewdrug.org and covenanteyes.com. As you read, you’re going to want to rush through the statistics. I urge you: don’t look away.

Today, porn sites receive more website traffic in the U.S. than Twitter, Instagram, Netflix, Pinterest, and LinkedIn COMBINED.

A SINGLE porn site, Pornhub, claimed that in 2019 they had 115 million searches per day (5 million per hour, 80,000 per minute). By the way, there are at least 1.3 million porn sites on the web.

Studies show that most young people are exposed to porn by age 13, and according to a nationally representative survey of U.S. teens, 84.4% of 14-18 year-old males and 57% of 14-18 year-old females have viewed pornography.

In one study, 56% of divorce cases involved one party having “an obsessive interest in pornographic websites.“

It’s estimated that as few as 1 in 3 and as many as 9 in 10 scenes show acts of physical aggression or violence, while about half contain verbal aggression. Studies also found that women were the targets of aggression or violence about 97% of the time.

1 in 5 mobile searches are for pornography.

51% of male students and 32% of female students first viewed porn before their teenage years.

1 in 5 youth pastors and 1 in 7 senior pastors use porn on a regular basis and currently struggling.

A 2014 study found that compulsive pornography users “had greater impairments of sexual arousal and erectile difficulties in intimate relationships but not with sexually explicit materials.”

Pornography use increases the marital infidelity rate by more than 300% (webroot.com)

A 2010 study reported that 47% of families in the United States reported that pornography is a problem in their home (webroot.com)

I’m not one to use fear tactics to inspire behavior change, but I think the damaging impact of porn is worth being afraid of. And worth doing something about.

“It seems so obvious: If we invent a machine, the first thing we are going to do—after making a profit—is use it to watch porn.”

Damon Brown, Author of Playboy’s Greatest Covers

Why is Pornography so Dangerous?

Accessibility – I remember being shown a tiny, non-HD image of a naked woman on a Motorola Razor screen when I was in high school. I remember hearing friends talk about finding their dad’s Playboy magazine with excitement. I remember the stigma around an HBO or Cinemax subscription as the only way to watch porn. I remember an “adult” section at the local video store in a separate room (I actually never noticed this until I was adult).

Those days are long gone. Porn is more available and accessible than it’s ever been. As a matter of fact, sometimes it finds you through mistyped searches, accidental clicks, or suggestions on social media. If you have access to the internet, and especially if you own a smartphone or tablet, pornography is a few clicks away.

Affordability – You can watch unlimited pornography for free. Nothing is ever drafted out of your bank account and no purchases need to be hidden or explained away. This is to say nothing of pornography’s cost on your emotional, spiritual, and relational health.

Anonymity – From private browser modes to deleting your history, there are so many ways to cover your tracks. Literally no one will ever know, and it’s not hard to do. No one sees you, no one knows your name, and no one will come chasing after you. It’s private and personal.

The anonymity of porn fuels the shame that undergirds most decisions to watch porn in the first place. Anyone who has a porn problem really has a shame problem. And shame has one core message: HIDE. As long as you are hidden, you can’t be found out. And if you can’t be found out, then you are safe. These are the lies of shame.

Sathiya Sam, xxxchurch.com

Don’t be fooled. Porn is incredibly dangerous. Its accessibility, affordability, and anonymity create the perfect cocktail for shame to thrive and addiction to grow.

“The young women who talk to me on campuses about the effect of pornography on their intimate lives speak of feeling that they can never measure up, that they can never ask for what they want; and that if they do not offer what porn offers, they cannot expect to hold a guy. The young men talk about what it is like to grow up learning about sex from porn, and how it is not helpful to them in trying to figure out how to be with a real woman…For the first time in human history, the images’ power and allure have supplanted that of real naked women. Today, real naked women are just bad porn.”

Naomi Wolf

Conclusion

If you’ve read this far, you know how I feel about pornography’s impact on an individual, a family, and a marriage. I’m not alone in how I feel; you can find legions of testimonies as well as research to back up what i have presented. But ultimately, it will be up to you to evaluate the fruits of what you allow in your life.

Perhaps you’ve battled an addiction to pornography in the past. Maybe you or a loved one is in the trenches right now. You are not without hope! There may be more pornography than ever out in the world, but there are also more resources and people standing by to help than there’s ever been.

But before we can talk about talk about hope (that’s coming in part 3), we need to see just how damaging porn’s impact can really be. Stay tuned for part 2.

I hope something you’ve read has been encouraging or helpful. Thanks for reading!